Can the tabloids get anything right about Kate Middleton & Prince William?

When is a honeymoon not a honeymoon?

We all know how the tabloid press can turn nothing at all into something and that's exactly what they've done with Kate Middleton & Prince William's luxury break away in Mustique. To the Mail On Sunday, it's a practice run for a real Honeymoon.

James and Pippa circled.

Picture courtesy of The Daily Star.

With every publication telling us how romantic the trip is, the pictures are revealing that it's also a family affair for Kate. Both Pippa and James can be seen in the boat with Wills watching Kate wakeboarding. Interesting for a honeymoon trial run don't you think?

The Mail On Sunday rips off The Sun's claim: 'It is the couple's first holiday together in two and a half years and has fuelled speculation of an engagement.' It's common knowledge that the pair were in Mustique together in May this year so where the writer, a one Ms Sharon Churcher, gets her information from is baffling to say the least. Perhaps she should stop reading The Sun.

Kate & Wills get animated.

Meanwhile the Daily Star Sunday gives us the scoop via Clive Goodman that Wills and Kate are to be immortalised on The Simpsons. No longer will Kate's skin be tinged orange (through over indulging in fake tan no doubt) as she will get a very fashionable yellow hue instead. Fortunately for Wills, he will get a hat to cover his baldspot.

Mick Jagger serenades Wills and Kate.

The Sunday Mirror tells us that Mick Jagger serenaded the young couple during a party for the 40th anniversary of the Mustique Company.

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Kate Middleton's family revealed!

The wacky and wild Middletons.

Please don't panic but The Daily Mail has finally caught up with royal fans. In today's edition, Richard Kay and Geoffrey Levy have written an "exposé " piece on the "other" Middleton children, Pippa and James.

The article shows a picture (long known to royal fans) of Kate's little brother James, clad in a woman's dress at a party. It also shows Pippa Middleton strangely wrapped in toiletpaper but it's the claims about James that are most intriguing.

One claim about the 3rd and some would say least attractive Middleton child is that once Kate and Wills became a publicised item, James' mousy personality changed to that of a loud and over the top yahoo. Kay & Levy quote one of James' fellow former-Marlborough students: 'He noticeably became a bit posher and a lot louder. He'd always been a fairly quiet chap who nobody much noticed. But when his sister started being in the papers with Prince William, he seemed to take on a much louder and bolder persona - a bit arrogant, really. He loved the reflected glory of it all and played up to it. Outside his immediate circle of friends, no one there liked him much because of it.'

Dubbed by the 2 journalists as a "university dropout who abandoned his English Literature degree course at Edinburgh and declared that he wants to be an entrepreneur like his parents" James is reportedly upset that the paparazzi don't recognise him. He was even allegedly denied entry to Kate's favourite haunt, Boujis because security didn't know who he was.

Of Pippa, Kay & Levy are less damning to a point. Apart from repeating well known blurbs about her social aspirations, they quote a Middleton family friend: 'Pippa's more fun, more relaxed than Kate - and, frankly, she's also prettier. Kate was always quite jealous of Pippa. I sensed that she feared being eclipsed by her, because Pippa has more natural effervescence, is socially much more at ease and was always popular with everyone, especially James's friends.'

Enjoyably, Levy & Kay manage to throw in some discreet references to Kate's lack of employment and interestingly report that Kate is trying to use her position as the onff girlfriend of Prince William to her own advantage: 'But Pippa is at least working and earning her own living, while the Queen continues to observe with disapproval Kate's continued lack of a job. For her part, Kate has been trying to reinvent herself as a photographer, helping out at her parents' firm by taking pictures for their website of the cakes James has iced. Believing that her relationship with Prince William was bound to help, she has been canvassing top studio photographers with a view to being taken on as a trainee. Surprisingly, the Royal Family's huge influence cannot be made to stretch this far.' They then quote an unnamed source: 'One important photographer was listening well enough until she explained she wanted to do a four-day week and would have to be given leave whenever William was in town. He sent her away with a flea in her ear.'

The last time the picture of James in a dress (as well as other pictures) made a public appearence online, a few mysterious lurkers etc were recorded on an unnamed royal internet site including an IP that belonged to a certain children's party paraphernalia business. Let's see what happens this time.

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Kate Middleton & Prince William pictured on holidays

The Sun's scoop on the Wait-cation in Mustique.

Kate Middleton and Prince William have been photographed holidaying in Mustique. The Sun newspaper has scooped many others by obtaining pictures of the pair on a boat. Rumours had spread during their earlier trip to Mustique that cameras are not allowed and that authorities on the island heavily protect the water's surrounding it so as to ensure the privacy of the islands inhabitants. But it seems these were the mumblings of misinformed internet pranksters because The Sun now shows 4 new pictures of the couple having fun on a boat.

The Sun's article was bizzarely short and it's interesting to note that even with 3 different journalists penning the blurb they still managed to get a simple fact wrong. The Sun states: "A royal insider said: “It’s the first time they have been seen on summer holiday for 2½ years." It was plainly wrong because over the past 2½ years Wills & Kate have been pictured taking no less than 3 summer breaks together as a couple (August/September 2006 - Ibiza, August 2007 - Seyschelles and May 2008 - Mustique).

Meanwhile over the last 2½ years Kate has reportedly managed to take 22 breaks away in various locations. That's an average of 1 trip away almost every 6 weeks. One rather witty Royal Truth member dubbed Kate's numerous holidays as "Wait-cations". It's sure to stick from now on!

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Just a passing phase....

The article that kicked off the latest rumours about Prince Philips health.

Is it a passing phase or have the press decided it's time to kill off old Prince Philip? I can hear the keyboards tapping away in a desperate ploy for something newsworthy during the tabloid "silly season".

It seems the old boy only has to fart and then he's condemned to a deathly disease. The latest is a report that first surfaced in The Evening Standard alleging the DoE (Philip) was recently diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. Whether true or not, let's hope people give him a break. He is after all, 86 years of age.

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Strange woman wants to "low bow" Prince Harry

That's no way to bow to HRH Hellaciousness (aka Harry).
Picture: Courtsey of The Sun.

There's been a bit in the British Press lately about people no longer curtsying the Queen and according to one UK television presenter, Prince Harry's the only royal worth bowing for.

Richard Kay from The Daily Mail reports: 'Loose Women presenter Carol McGiffin says she would curtsey to the Queen, but not to the minor royals. Asked on the ITV lunchtime show yesterday if she might make an exception for Prince Harry, the frisky 48-year-old former wife of DJ Chris Evans said: "I would not curtsey, but I might do quite a low bow - he's gorgeous."'

I can't say I blame the woman. Harry is incredibly hellacious and becoming more so as the years go by. But let's see if Chelsy finds this at all funny.

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Kate Middleton holidays at Jigsaw owners luxury villa

Has Kate done another deal with Jigsaw?

Richard Kay from The Daily Mail has revealed that Prince William and Kate Middleton are holidaying in Mustique. Last time there the onff pair rented a luxury villa. This time, according to Kay, the couple have been given use of a luxury villa owned by Kate's former Jigsaw employers, Belle and John Robinson. Last time the pair holidaying at the "Jigsaw" villa they reportedly made a small donation to some obscure charity. Meanwhile some pondered whether Kate had just done another one of her amazing "deals" in exchange for her name being linked with the Jigsaw chain.

The Mustique holiday is just over a week after Belle's revelations in The Evening Standard, where she detailed Kate's time as her employee "mucking in" (which incidently, was followed promptly by pictures of Kate "mucking in" at her parents business, in what can only be called as an effort to reinforce the image of Kate "mucking in"). The more cynical amongst us would once again question whether this latest jaunt was just another "deal" done by Middleton.

Is Issa angling for publicity ahead of London Fashion Week?

This news comes hot on the heels of designer brand Issa's confirmation that Kate Middleton was given wardrobes of outfits. We not only learned that Kate had "chosen" the Issa brand as her "choice" of clothing but that she had received huge amounts of clothes for free. A source told the Daily Mail: ‘Kate must have thousands of pounds worth of gifted dresses. Issa is incredibly generous with her.’

And why, one might ask, are we now just hearing about Kate's "unofficial" endorsement and deal with Issa? It's London Fashion Week next month.

Click here to read more about Kate & William's luxury holiday to Mustique.
Click here to read more about Kate and Issa.

Isaa oops for Kate Middleton

Kate: Jobless and potless.

Ouch! Kate Middleton's feelings must be hurt by the current crop of criticisms and sharp commentary from the UK media. Today the Daily Mirror's razor tongued (but very astute) columnist, Sue Carroll writes about Kate's "deal" with Issa. She writes: 'Prince William's girlfriend "please call me Kate" Middleton has been described by BA staff as down-to-earth for refusing a first-class upgrade on a flight to Barbados where she'll enjoy her second Caribbean holiday with William this year. Very noble. Though travelling club class isn't exactly slumming it in economy with the hoi polloi. One suspects this good news came along just in time to bury the not-so-great news that Kate's wardrobe is supplemented by "bag-loads" of frocks delivered to her door by Brazilian designer Daniella Issa Helayel. '

Ms Carroll is one of those journalists who calls a spade a spade and never takes any prisoners in a vain effort of being "unbiased". If she has something to say she just tells you straight. So it's refreshing to read her next few lines about Kate's Issa freebies and how uninspiring she finds the designer label: 'I can't say I blame a girl for accepting a freebie, especially when she's jobless and potless. But why Issa? Maybe Kate likes her frocks the way she likes her men, classic but without any obvious flair. When Princess Diana emerged in a new creation, fashion manufacturers would rush out a replica the very next day. It helped the industry and pleased the public. But are we all screaming for an Issa? Hate to say it but there's not an awful lot to copy in Brazil. '

The Daily Mail article comes hot on the heels of 3 other comment pieces in The Observer, The Independent On Sunday and The Sunday Times (the more reasonable publications many would argue). The Observer "A Good Week For/A Bad Week For" lists it as being a good week for Kate but with a definate sting in the tail: 'A good week for Kate Middleton. The princess-in-waiting turned down an upgrade to first class on her way to meet Prince William, we learnt last week. Good girl. Better still that the press was tipped off. 'Humble,' as the Sun says.'

Next to the Independent on Sunday's Matthew Bell whose barbed comment mirrors the sentiments of royal fans: 'Kate Middleton has joined Prince William in Mustique for a holiday following his drugs-busting exploits with the Navy. One newspaper reported that on the flight from London to Barbados, Kate refused an upgrade to first class, and insisted the stewards call her Kate. This is odd – I'm told that for some time, Kate has been asking friends to address her by her full name, Catherine. Catherine is thought more fitting for a princess. And, in the meantime, it has the advantage of not rhyming with 'wait', which unkind folk say is all she does now.'

Lastly, The Sunday Times' Shane Watson whose article on Sienna Miller and her latest failed romance showed that more than one person is "eh" about this onff relationship: 'He [Balthazar Getty] is the one with the four children and the wife and everything to lose — but there is only one home-wrecker in this scenario and it’s that slut Sienna. Just as Angelina was the downfall of poor, hapless Brad, and the girl who comes between Prince William and Kate (here’s hoping) will be branded a near-engagement-wrecker. '

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